Subject:      FW: MEDICAL TERMS FOR THE LAYMAN

SUBJECT:   NEW TERMINOLOGY

MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY FOR THE LAYMAN

ANTIBODY

against everyone

ARTERY

the study of fine paintings

BACTERIA

back door to a cafeteria

BANDAGES

The Rolling Stones

BARIUM

what you do when CPR fails

BENIGN

what you be after you be eight

BOTULISM

tendency to make mistakes

BOWEL

letters like A, E, I, O, or U

CAESAREAN SECTION

a district in Rome

CARDIOLOGY

advanced study of poker playing

CAT SCAN

searching for one's lost kitty

CAUTERIZE

made eye contact with her

COLIC

a sheep dog

COMA

a punctuation mark

CONGENITAL

friendly

CORTIZONE

the local courthouse

D & C

where Washington is

DILATE

to live longer

ENEMA

not a friend

ENTERITIS

a penchant for burglary

ER

the things on your head that you hear with

FESTER

quicker

FIBRILLATE

to tell lies

G.I. SERIES

baseball games between teams of soldiers

GENES

blue denim slacks

GENITAL

non-Jewish

GRIPPE

what you do to a suitcase

HANGNAIL

a coathook

HEMORRHOID

a male from outer space

HERPES

what women do in the Ladies Room

ICU

peek-a-boo

IMPOTENT

distinguished, well known

INPATIENT

tired of waiting

LABOR PAIN

hurt at work

MEDICAL STAFF

a doctor's cane

MINOR OPERATION

somebody else's

MORBID

a higher offer

NITRATE

lower than day rate

NODE

was aware of

ORGAN TRANSPLANT

what you do to your piano when you move

ORGANIC

church musician

OUTPATIENT

a person who has fainted

PARALYZE

two far-fetched stories

PATHOLOGICAL

a reasonable way to go

PHARMACIST

person who makes a living dealing in agriculture

PLASTER CAST

the drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert

POST-OPERATIVE

a letter carrier

PROTEIN

in favor of young people

RECOVERY ROOM

place to upholster furniture

RECTUM

what happened to the Corvette

RED BLOOD COUNT

Dracula

RHEUMATIC

amorous

SALINE

where you go on your boyfriend's boat

SECRETION

hiding anything

SEROLOGY

study of English knighthood

SURGERY

a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply

STERILE SOLUTION

not using the elevator during a fire

TABLET

a small table

TERMINAL ILLNESS

getting sick at the airport

TIBIA

country in North Africa

TRIPLE BYPASS

better than a quarterback sneak

TUMOR

an extra pair

URINE

opposite of "you're out"

VARICOSE

very close

VEIN

conceited