In a Bucharest Hotel Lobby:

The Lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time, we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig Elevator:

Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade Elevator:

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris Elevator:

Please leave your values at the desk.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of  9 and 11 am daily.

In a Yugoslavian Hotel:

The flattening of underwear, with pleasure, is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese Hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the Lobby of a hotel across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet Composers, Artists and Writers are buried daily except Thursdays.

On the Menu of a Swiss Restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the Menu of a Polish Hotel:

Salad, our firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong Supermarket:

For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

In the office of a Roman Doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a Bangkok Dry Cleaners:

Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop:

Dresses for street walking.

Outside a Hong Kong dress shop:

Ladies have fits upstairs.

In a Rhodes Tailor Shop:

Order your summers suit.  Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.

From a Soviet Weekly:

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic Painters and Sculptors.  These were executed over the past two years.

In an East African Newspaper:

A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna Hotel:

In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the Hotel Porter

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest Camping Site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich Hotel:

Because of impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bathroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

A Translated sentence from a Russian Chess book:

A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong Dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodist.

In Rome Laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian Tourist Agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

On the faucet in a Finnish Washroom:

To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:

Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:

Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:

Stop, drive sideways.

In a Swiss Mountain Inn:

Special Today:  No Ice Cream.

In a Bangkok Temple:

It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo Bar:

Special cocktails for ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen Airline Ticket Office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow Hotel Room:

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian Cocktail Lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

At a Bucharest Zoo:

Please do not feed the animals.  If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In an Acapulco Hotel:

The Manager has personally passed all the water served here.

 In a Tokyo shop:

Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are the best in the long run.

From a Japanese Information Booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:

Cooles and heates:  If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet hum melodiously at first, but he still obstacles your passages, then tootle horn with vigor.

Two signs at a Marjocan shop entrance:

English well talking; -

Here speeching American.

In a Game Cap label:

One size fits all heads made in China.